30 weeks

I made it to 30 weeks today. One step closer to Everleigh coming in a timeframe that is healthy. Hopefully that means full term. :)

I am more pregnant now than I ever have been. I'm starting to experience new things that I didn't with Caroline. My belly is bigger than when Caroline was born. Everleigh is bigger than Caroline was when she was born. I'm starting to get more of those pesky aches and pains that accompany late pregnancy. I have started getting Braxton Hicks contractions. Man, those freaked me out BAD the first day. Now that I know what they are and have been reassured by my doctor that nothing is happening to progress me toward labor, I can handle them. I mostly feel them in the morning, and then I don't get them as much later in the day. Thank the Lord.

At my most recent check up, my doctor did another preterm labor test called a fetal fibronectin test. It came back negative, which means I should be good for another couple weeks. :)

I'll admit that this part of my pregnancy has kinda thrown me for a bit of a loop. I didn't realize how much I missed out on with Caroline's pregnancy. Some of it is not entirely pleasant, like the pain and BH contractions, but some of it is cool. Everleigh moves in an entirely different way than Caroline ever did, and it's fun to watch her do an impression of that scene from the movie Alien. My belly does weird things. Haha.

My belly is bigger, I have to wear more maternity clothes. Even just the thought that we will bring this one home, God willing, is a totally new thing. Preparing for her arrival is completely different than preparing for Caroline's. We're having to get a nursery together. We have to get a car seat and stroller. I'm excitedly looking at clothes, knowing she'll get to wear them all, not just one thing.

Cameron and I were talking the other day, and it's funny how similar we've been feeling about certain things. One is bringing Everleigh home. I think it hit us both that we actually get to bring her home. It was kind of an ephemeral awareness before, like we knew it logically, but it hadn't quite become real to us. Everleigh's birthday isn't the end of her time with us, like it was for Caroline. It's really just the beginning. With Caroline, our lives didn't really change on the day to day level of sleepless nights, impositions on our schedules, having to plan around carrying an infant around with us. We were heart broken and our lives were changed in a deeper way, but our day to day activities pretty much remained the same. With Everleigh, that's not going to happen. She'll keep us up at night, and she'll infringe on our social schedule, and she'll need to be fed constantly. She's going to change our lives. And we're going to love every minute of it. And that part just recently hit us, I think.

I'm not naive enough to think that there will not be days that are ridiculously difficult. I know I'll get annoyed or short tempered or cranky. I know I'll complain about certain things. So when I say we'll love every minute of it, I mean we're going to love it because it means we have a baby girl that is a huge blessing. I don't mean I'm going to literally love sleeping for three hours a night. Or that I'm going to love not taking a shower whenever I want. But overall, I am going to be so stinking grateful for Everleigh that it will temper the inconveniences.

I have a lot of friends with babies right now. Born any time from June to last week. It makes me so much more anxious to hold my precious girl. I can't wait to meet her outside her little home right now. Ok, let me rephrase. I can wait until she's full term because then she'll be healthy. But I am so excited to see her. Haha. I am rejoicing with every week that passes that God is continuing to knit her together in my womb to get her to where she needs to be to meet us. Each week is a blessing and a victory. One step closer to a healthy delivery.

So...30 weeks. Ten more weeks to go. I just might make it this time. :)

Something special...

Caroline's birthday is coming up soon, on December 15th. A friend of Cameron's from high school has been incredibly sweet to us throughout our journey with Caroline, and she's doing something else now, too. It's pretty special. Read Jennifer's words below (she does amazing work with her company called Fadeless Memories, and even has Caroline's story on her site) and see why...

From Jennifer:

I never met Caroline Grace, but she changed my life in a way that I can't explain. I haven't seen Cameron for over 12 years when we attended high school together, and I've only talked to Emily via the internet, yet they have encouraged me to love and trust the Lord in ways that are only caused by experiencing extreme amounts of pain. Like many of you, I stalked their blogs, I prayed for her healing as they chronicled their journey with anencephaly, and I wept on December 15th when she was born into Jesus' arms. She's caused me to hug my children tighter, and hold my plans for them a little looser, trusting that the Lord knows what He's doing.

When she left this world, I was honored to be able to use a product my business makes to preserve her memory by carving one of her NILMDTS photographs into acrylic.

Since then, I've been looking for a way to serve other families that have lost their precious little ones before they left the hospital. I was overwhelmed by how many families had experienced such a loss and I knew that I didn't have enough resources to minister to everyone. However, I've come to realize that doing something is better than nothing and I need to comfort as many people as I can.



In honor of her first birthday, if you would like to receive a free suncatcher/Christmas ornament with your baby's photograph carved into it, I would love to send one to you. Please email me 2-3 images of your baby along with your address to jroberson at fadelessmemories dot com before December 15th.

Notes:

• Christmas ornaments are approximately 2.5 x 3.5 inches and tend to be the perfect size for an image of one face (think traditional hospital photograph). Multiple family members will not be distinguishable and normally need to be carved in a larger size to look good. I request multiple images so that I can choose the one that will carve the most beautifully but if you only have one then I totally understand.
• Help with shipping is appreciated and allows me to send more ornaments out to more families. However, it is entirely optional.
• For now I must limit this offer to the residents of the United States.
• I will make as many ornaments as I can, and will establish a waiting list if needed.

28 Weeks

I'm 28 weeks pregnant today.

28 weeks. That has huge significance for several reasons.

I was 28 weeks and 4 days pregnant when Caroline decided to come. So in 4 days, I will be in uncharted pregnancy territory for me. Should be interesting. :)

For Everleigh, we've reached a point together where she could be born now and survive, and have few, if any, health and developmental issues. Obviously, I'd rather have her stay inside and bake a bit more, but at least I have the comfort that she could be born now and be ok. Huge sigh of relief.

Emotionally, this week is going to be interesting. Having had Caroline at 28 weeks means reliving her birth a little bit. Tomorrow will be 11 months since her birthday. I'm doing ok so far, but I know I have the potential to break down at any time. God is good.

I'll be completely honest. I have been scared out of my mind this entire pregnancy. I did not want to lose Everleigh, and I've not been as graciously accepting of things this time around. I've been hospitalized twice, and each time I have wanted to fuss at God for allowing me to have to go through a difficult pregnancy after the craziness that was Caroline's time with us. I'm beginning to think he's done it to remind me that He's in control and that I can't rely too much on Everleigh to bring me peace and joy after the loss of Caroline.

This little girl is already so loved. I can't wait to meet her outside her little cocoon. I'm so thankful that God has allowed me this time with her, to carry her like I did Caroline, but with the difference of knowing she'll get to come home with us (barring any craziness, and if it's God's will).

So...I will continue to pray for peace of mind, deliverance from the crazy anxiety, and continued health for my precious girl. And hopefully she and God will hold off till February to have her make her appearance.