Saturday, December 15, 2012

Happy Birthday Caroline!

Today is Caroline's birthday.  It's been one year since we both celebrated her coming and mourned her loss.

One year.

It's a little hard to believe it's been a year.  In some ways, it feels much, much longer.  In others, it feels like just yesterday.  Cameron and I have decided that sometimes it doesn't even feel real.  It was such an emotionally intense moment, and then...we just had to let go.  As we prepare for Christmas, it's been quite bittersweet.  I put up her stocking, and I put her ornaments on the tree.  I can remember how I felt last year at this time, trying to find ways to celebrate Caroline's life while preparing to lose her.

So far, I haven't completely lost it.  There is still time.  Haha.  But I am taking comfort in the fact that the same Jesus that walked with me through this day last year is still walking with me as I remember it this year.  God is a good and gracious God, giving me peace and strength on a day that has the potential to break me down.

I expect a few tears.  I expect to have some melancholy moments.  But even through the remembered grief and new bittersweet memories, I can feel God's presence and comfort.  He is still here, holding me up as I walk through this first birthday. 

I am blessed with some amazing family and friends that have walked this path with me.  I can never say thank you enough to them, or to God for blessing me with them.

Now, during this season of loss, I can also thank God for the blessing of Everleigh.  While she can't and won't replace Caroline, we feel so blessed to have her to look forward to this Christmas season.  I am so grateful that God saw fit to bless us with her even as we mourn Caroline.  He has turned our weeping into laughter and our wailing to dancing.  Praise the Lord, from whom all blessings flow.  He gave us our blessing of Caroline, and now He has given us our blessing of Everleigh.

I made a little collage of pictures from Caroline's birthday last year.  What a precious memory we have in our photos.  I am so grateful we were able to take so many, and to have them to remember her by.  I hope you enjoy remembering with us today.


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