Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Rejoicing in Motherhood

It's been a few more weeks, and I have learned so much. So. Much.

I picked up E's birth certificate this past week. Talk about a reality check. I think it's still hard for me to realize, some days, that Everleigh is here to stay. I mean, I know there is no guarantee for the future, but we have to live with the assumption that she will be with us for a while. That is just so crazy sometimes. Having Caroline, then having to give her up immediately, was my "normal." So having E, and getting to take her home and take care of her, watch her grow, know that someday she's going to walk and talk and go to school and all those other things that are "normal" for everyone else...it just blows my mind.

E is, so far, a pretty mild-mannered baby. She mostly only cries when she's hungry or needs something else. She's not a really fussy baby. She has her days, as do we all, but for the most part she's pretty mellow. She'll be seven weeks old tomorrow and is already sleeping pretty well at night (not all night, mind you, but not 2 or 3 hours at a time either). She's eating well, digesting well, developing well. It's all just such a blessing. And at the same time, so surreal.

I catch myself sometimes, thinking about how our lives are different now. I told Everleigh yesterday that I hope she finds Jesus early in life, that He loves her more than I ever could, which is a lot. Then I told her that she had to know Jesus in order to meet her sister, so she really needs to love Jesus. What an enormous responsibility the Lord has given us, to teach our sweet daughter about His love and salvation.

It kind of hit me then. Everleigh will never know her sister here on earth, but she will in Heaven. I knew that. It just hit home yesterday. It made me a little sad, that they won't ever get to do sister-y things together. That they won't even get to meet. But I'm grateful that Caroline is there waiting for us. I hope and pray Everleigh will love the Lord and accept his salvation. I never want to be eternally separated from my babies, and I don't want them to be eternally separated from God (and selfishly, me).

There are days where I am overwhelmed by motherhood. Not overwhelmed in the physical/emotional sense (although that happens occasionally as well), but overwhelmed in a sense of awe and glory. I feel incredibly blessed to be a mother of a baby that gets to stay for a while. It's teaching me a lot about myself, just as much as it's teaching me about E and parenthood.

It's a time for rejoicing. :)


  1. I've followed your story for quite sometime now. I've prayed for your family. This has to be probably my favorite blog to date. Beautiful!! (Our God, your writing, seeing Caroline Grace again, you experiencing all the "firsts" as a mother, bringing our children to know, love & accept Christ as their personal Lord & Savior, etc). Just beautiful!!!

    ~Melodie : )

  2. I just came across your blog and really wanted to say how beautiful and strong you are. You and your family and little Everleigh. I find this story very heartwarming because my name was Caroline Grace (will keep my last name private) but I was born quite a few years before. December 15, 1994 is my birthday... not sure when your little girl was born, but I see her as an angel who's looking over you and your family as well as sharing my name. She has a special place in my heart because of that. I hope you and Everleigh and the rest of your family have an amazing life, and may God be with you. xx Caroline Grace is with you every step of the way.


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