I am so grateful to serve such an amazing God. Seriously.
While I'm still having good days and bad days, I feel like I'm starting to get back to an even keel. Recently, God dropped some ministry opportunities in my lap, and I'm very exited about them.
We moved to our current location about 4 or 5 months before we got Caroline's diagnosis. I got pregnant right after we moved here. We were getting to the point where we wanted to get involved in some type of service for our church, but I was having trouble figuring out where I would fit. The only ministry opportunities I knew about were things I didn't really feel called to do. None of them would have taken advantage of my gifts and strengths. Then we got Caroline's diagnosis, and I knew that serving in a prolonged capacity would have to wait. Dealing with Caroline's situation was enough to deal with...serving would have put me over the edge emotionally.
So I waited. Caroline was born almost two months ago. I can't believe it's been two months. It seems like forever ago and like yesterday all at the same time. The first month after she was born, we spent making arrangements, traveling, and grieving. The past few weeks, I've been resting and letting God heal my heart. This past weekend, I found out about a new ministry that our church is starting, and it was like God set it in my lap and said, "Here you go." It is right up my alley of strengths and gifts, and it's giving me a renewed sense of purpose.
Knowing I have a ministry to work in, it makes my time seem valuable again. During our time with Caroline, it was like my life was on hold, waiting to see what God had in store for us. I'm not complaining or saying that my time with Caroline had no value and made no difference. That would be completely ludicrous to say. But it was like everything was about Caroline. That was ok. It needed to be. God used that situation to teach me, to reach others, and to make a difference for a lot of people. Now that Caroline is gone to be with Jesus, I don't have that same purpose. I have no Caroline to focus on.
So God came up with the solution. He gave me something else to do to serve Him.
I miss Caroline. I'm still grieving her loss. But I'm now able to look toward the future with renewed hope and renewed purpose. I know God has a plan, and I know He's made the way for me. His timing is perfect, His love is amazing, and His providence is beyond my greatest imagination.
I am so grateful to serve such an amazing God.