So, it's Christmas time. There's a lot of Christmas-y stuff going on, and it's a time where most people tend to focus a lot on family and friends and all that. I've spent the last few days making goodies to give to friends. It's a fun time of year.
Amazingly, after my terrible week last week, this week has been significantly better. There have still been good days and bad days, but it's been better.
It's getting harder and harder to bend over to put on shoes or pick something up off the floor. My belly has gotten a lot bigger. I can feel Caroline moving around a good bit, as usual, but she's bigger and it's a different type of movement. She has decided her favorite spot is to be wedged up into my right side. I don't think she's terribly concerned about my comfort. Haha.
With all of these obvious reminders of Caroline, I'm a little surprised that things haven't been harder for me. In fact, I feel totally at peace about Caroline. Whether God decides to heal her here on earth or not, I'm going to enjoy this time right now. If God heals her, I would be incredibly disappointed if I spent all my time moping and being upset instead of enjoying my pregnancy. I will have wasted my whole pregnancy being sad, when I could have been joyful. If God doesn't heal her, I still don't want to spend all my time being upset. If this is all the time I have with her, I want it to be special, even if it isn't a typical pregnancy.
In some ways, I wonder if I'm going crazy to feel "normal" right now. I actually, this week, have had to remind myself occasionally that unless God heals her, I'm not going to get to keep Caroline. I have felt a little more like a normal mom-to-be this week. I think I needed that. It's been too long since I really felt at peace and comforted. And I can really say that I've been reminded of God's joy.
Especially in this season where joy is a major part of many songs, stories, and lessons taught, it's good to know that nothing can steal my joy. Nothing can steal my comfort, either. God has really placed a hedge of protection around me as I deal with this Christmas season. I was really afraid that I would be upset all this Christmas season because of Caroline's condition. But it's really not been that way yet. I'm not saying it won't be more difficult at some point, but so far, God has really comforted and sustained me. I'm focusing on all I do have, and not so much on what I might not get to keep.
I don't have any profound thoughts to share. I can only say that God is most definitely with me, and is giving me everything I need to deal with this. I know that things can change at the drop of a hat with me and how I'm feeling. I blame the hormones. Haha. But I take things a day at a time, and for today, I'm good. God is enough, and He is keeping me sane. I'm so glad I serve such a loving, amazing, comforting, big God.
It truly is a Merry Christmas. :)