Today is Caroline's original due date. I know babies rarely come on their actual due date, but it's a day to look forward to when they'll be here, give or take a few days.
Before Caroline was born, and before we got her diagnosis, her due date was just that. A day to look forward to. We were excited to be having a baby, and couldn't wait to meet the little person.
After her diagnosis, her due date wasn't quite so exciting. It was going to be a time of joy and sorrow. She would join us only to leave us a short time later. We still looked forward to meeting her, but we were also dreading the loss of her.
She decided she would just come early and throw us off completely. Haha.
Now that her due date has arrived, it's brought some interesting emotions with it. I wasn't really sure what to expect. I've been doing pretty well the past several weeks, so I didn't know if it would be just another day or if I would be emotional. I have been a little emotional. Cameron has been too. I guess no matter how much progress you've made, there are still some days where it will catch up with you.
Cameron and I are going to spend the day having as good a day as we can. We're hoping to do some fun stuff, but I know we'll also think about Caroline a good bit too. It's been almost 3 months since her birthday. Time keeps chugging along, and we keep chugging with it. God continues to give us what we need when we need it, and I know He always will. It doesn't mean we don't have days that are hard. We just have help to get through them.
I'm very grateful that Caroline is in Heaven today. She's not suffering, she's not hanging on to life by an umbilical cord. She's perfect and whole in Jesus' arms. While I do miss her, and wish today was a day to rejoice in her coming to stay with us for a while, I have a Heavenly Father who comforts me and reminds me that what happens here on earth isn't the end.
So now, I can look forward to another "due date," one I don't know the date of, but one where I will be due in Heaven to see my little girl again. Until then, I will press on here for a while longer. To God be the glory.