Today I am 22 weeks pregnant.
In two more weeks, Baby Girl's chances of surviving outside the womb are 50%. For me, since we lost Caroline at 28 weeks, this is a huge deal for me. Do you know how much my anxiety will go down once I know that this baby could very well survive, even if she comes early? Granted, I know that the longer she stays in the oven, the better her chances, and the better her overall health will be, but I'll take what I can get. Haha. I won't feel quite so panicked every time I feel a twinge or something.
Speaking of twinges...last week I had to spend a couple days in the hospital because I developed a pretty bad bladder/kidney infection (called pyelonephritis). I woke up one morning with excruciating pain on one side, and while I didn't think it was a problem with baby, it was still scary. They got me on meds and fluids and I'm fine now, but it just made me even more grateful that Baby is ok and continuing to grow and develop. She was still active the whole time I was in the hospital, which was so reassuring. I'm not sure I've taken one day of this pregnancy for granted. I'm just so grateful God's looking out for both of us.
I think if I make it past 28 weeks this time (which my doctors all believe I will), it's going to be a little crazy for me. It'll be a big milestone to pass. That will be an all new experience for me too...making it further into my third trimester and getting huge and all that. It'll be quite an adventure. Haha.
I cannot even describe to you how much I want this baby. It's a constant challenge to make sure she's not becoming TOO important to me (i.e. more important than God), but oh my word I want her. I think God understands. And I'm hoping His will is to let me keep this one. If not...well, he'll get me through it, but I pray all the time that I'll get to keep this one.
This little girl is an active little thing. I sometimes wonder if she's practicing mixed martial arts, soccer, and ballet all at the same time. Sometimes I can feel her doing little somersaults. Literally. She like flips around a couple times. Such a crazy feeling, and one I adore. I joke around with Cameron all the time that she's beating me up on the inside.
While I do sometimes want a little break from her occasionally painful jabs (especially when she hits the same spot over and over again), I cannot tell you how much I love feeling her. With Caroline, feeling her move inside me was really the only time I got with her. It was my only real connection to my first daughter. That was the only time I got to know she was alive. It was always a reminder that time was short, and someday, I would lose that little life growing inside me.
It's different with this baby. Every kick and punch and roll is a reminder that she's healthy, growing enough so that she can join us on the outside, where we can cuddle her, love on her, and treasure her. I have days where I have tears in my eyes as I feel her moving around in there, reminding me of her presence. It's helping me bond with her. It's helping me love her already. Cameron's even been able to feel her a couple times. I am so grateful for those little karate chops and roundhouse kicks.
I think we're finally getting close to picking a name. Woohoo! For some reason it's been harder to come up with one this time around. We've gone back and forth on several names for a while now, but I think we're getting close. I can't wait to be able to call this little girl by name. It makes her seem so much more real. So much more a part of our lives already. I can't wait.
So...I am rejoicing that I have made it this far, by God's grace, and I'm leaning on the Lord to keep me going even further. And I will continue to love those baby somersaults.