It's officially 2013.
We've been through our first full year without Caroline. We're starting the year when we'll get to meet Everleigh in person. Quite an eventful year coming up.
I will never forget Caroline. I've said that many times before. And it's true. I have no desire to forget her. But I will say that as time goes by, it's getting easier to face the day to day without her. This Christmas and New Year season has been a little difficult because we were remembering last year at this time, when we were dealing with Caroline's immediate loss. She was born on the 15th of December, her memorial service was on December 29, and her funeral was on January 7. So...there's been a lot of remembering.
I also had to kinda deal with the feelings of "unfairness" that we weren't getting to buy her Christmas presents, and we weren't getting to take Christmas pictures of her. Last year, I signed her name on our Christmas cards, and I didn't this year. There were a lot of times where I really missed her in that regard. It wasn't an overwhelming pain or anything, just a lot of twinges of "what might have been."
It did, in a lot of ways, make me look forward to next Christmas, when, God willing, Everleigh will be here with us to celebrate. It's made me look forward to this year in general, because we'll have most of the year with her. If she comes on or around her due date, she'll be born barely over a month into 2013. I can't wait.
If you're reading this post and have recently lost a child, hang in there. I know that it's difficult, especially at first, to look forward to the New Year when you've lost someone precious. Just know that you're not alone. There are many of us who have been where you are. I'm always willing to hear from you (see the contact tab at the top of the blog). Last year, New Year's was hard for us. Our loss was very recent, and we were just ready to be done with 2011 and move on to 2012. And we weren't really sure what 2012 would entail. Now, looking back, it was a pretty good year. We definitely had some challenging times, and there were times that I wish would have been easier, but ultimately, everything worked out like it was supposed to. I am so grateful God has brought us through our first year without Caroline, and is now allowing us to look forward to another special blessing.
I hope that you all have a wonderful year this year. Even if it's a difficult year, just know that God is still there, and there are people who can support you through it. God bless you all in 2013!